So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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