Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My ass is underappreciated
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
