I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
