That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i may or may not be watching the land before time
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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