all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
