Your face is a jimmy john
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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