YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
