He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
