i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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