I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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