There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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