His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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