I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
