VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
