Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
