Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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