why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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