Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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