wanna go halves on a baby?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
