Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
