you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Randomize
