She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
my being single is dangerous.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
