don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
