i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
