You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
