I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
