If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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