Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
