you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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