can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
