May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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