You can't special order awesome
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
