Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
