Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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