he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
