I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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