dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
