I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
