I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
