true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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