I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
