Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
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