its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
