Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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