Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
