you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
