Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
