How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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