Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
