Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
