I got chris browned last night
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
