I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
