Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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