Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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