I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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