I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
That accounts for only three of the penises
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
