I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
