the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
