I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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