I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
