its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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