To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
