you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
