i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
