I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
