Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
