sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize