dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
