my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
